And for whatever reason, that sticks in her craw something fierce.
It’s not that I don’t think she can fend for herself, I just feel it’s more important than ever to keep her safe and to make sure the heavy lifting is kept to a minimum. After all, they’re carrying new life around inside of them.
The only problem is you’re not allowed to touch them.
It’s like going to the pet store and seeing the cute puppies behind the glass but not being able to pet them. Your Dick Won’t Hurt the Baby Speaking of sex, let’s get this one out of the way right now — your penis will have no effect on the baby in your wife’s womb. I don’t care if you’re on par with Ron Jeremy or not, your dick is not going to scare the kid and it’s certainly not going to poke him in the forehead.
They’re adorable and you want to take them home and keep them forever, but if you try to motorboat her puppies she will slap the shit out of you. Not only that, but any suggestion to the contrary will send your pregnant wife into hysterics. You Will Be Replaced by Pillows Did you spend a crap ton of money on a mattress?
In my mind it was just nature progressing and running its course, and there was nothing more beautiful. If you’re a smartass like I am, this is especially troubling since I show affection by giving people good-natured shit.
When it comes to handling pregnant women, I’m no expert. Feed Her Constantly Everyone knows food is important to pregnant women.
Hell, I haven’t even figured out how to deal with women in general. Luckily for you, I’ve made just about every single stupid mistake and placed my foot so far in my mouth during MJ’s pregnancies that I’m overqualified to speak to you about things you need to know to avoid getting knocked out by the knocked up. But what the uninitiated might not realize is that time is of the essence.
Right at the end she’ll be so desperate to get the baby out of her that she’ll use you in the hopes that sex will send her into labor.
It’s slightly awkward, but after the drought it’s a welcome relief — as long as her water doesn’t break right then and there. Yes Her Boobs Are Bigger, No You Can’t Touch Them While we’re on the topic of sex, let me tell you about one of Nature’s cruelest tricks.